Physical Shame
by Jinhito
Summary: When all of your prior restrictions have turned into brand new addictions, will you know to let go? [chapter 4 teaser]
1. Three's Company

**Title:** Three's Company  
**Author:** Jinhito  
**Disclaimer: **Own nothing except my deluded yaoi-filled mind.  
**Summary:** He wasn't overreacting. This was Sasuke after all! Sai had to understand; he just had to... And if he didn't... Naruto couldn't fathom the consequences.  
**Author's Note: **This fic is dedicated to nyusama, a wonderful friend, because she inspired it with her own SaiNaru drabble and coolness! (hugs hugs and love) Should be work-safe, beta-ing was done by Sel! Rejoice in the knowledge that I live once more...

----

_It's only been a week since he came to live with us. Not much has changed but everything's so different from before. Sakura bought me this yesterday and told me not to stress out too much._

_If only she knew... Writing to a piece of paper never solved life's problems. Especially mine._

--

"Where's Sasuke?"

Naruto meandered into the kitchen. He was filthy, gross, and smelled of swamp. Summer missions through the forest areas of Konoha were down right nasty. He really wished Tsunade baa-chan would send him a real Chunnin-level challenge within the end of the week. But that was rather unlikely, she liked to keep him in his place like the bratty little whipper-snapper he was. And it may even be months before anything new popped up otherwise, so he just had to stick it out and deal, deal and wait...

Sad to say waiting never helped his mood much. He was ever the impatient person.

Sai wrinkled his nose at the scent of rancid kyuubi-boy as he entered the room, but said nothing in regards to it. Lately he'd taken the silent role in the house, and nobody was sure whether or not it was a good thing. Least there were no more penis joke flying around - god those really pissed Naruto off.

But since nothing else was left to rile his already tufted feathers, he calmly stood with his hands on his hips till he got a proper response.

"He's in the bathroom." Sai replied coolly, voice crisp and to the point, sounded like he didn't want to talk about it. His eyes were downcast and into the paper he was currently entertaining. The words flying off the page in a slow stream of interpretation and he continued to read on impassive all the while.

In all honesty, he couldn't care less wherever that ungrateful ass was shuffling around. An odd sound added to the background of his thoughts.

Naruto had begun to gwaf, (Sai had dubbed it) strangled angry noises erupting from his unhinged jaw. Coherence was out the window.

So he just rolled his attentive eyes up and away from his source of bother and kept right on reading unperturbed.

_Here we go..._

"WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?"

The loud shouting should have done permanent damage to his delicate ears but once you had begun living with Naruto it was all the same day in and day out. He'd become rather accustomed to it actually and a day without shouting was very, very unusual.

"Why would you - how could you! Ohhh!" Naruto ranted off and stiffened his shoulders to drop his clutched fists at his sides. This was anger beyond words. Sai should know better, they'd had a long talk about it the first day Sasuke had come to live with them. Damn him! Damn him for being a neglectful asshole!

"You!" The blonde pointed an accusing finger in his direction that promised retribution later. There was so much to be mad about he couldn't fully express it. But right now Sasuke's safety was more important than bitching out Sai.

Stalking with a heavy weight in each step, he made it to the bathroom down the hall in a matter of seconds. Only muttered single syllables followed him and Sai refused to acknowledge that kind of behavior.

"Sasuke?" Naruto called out hesitantly, fingers wrapping around a doorframe but not helping propel him forward anytime soon. He respected the other man. Decency came before his dying curiosity. He would wait until he got some sort of response and only then dive in if there was silence for more than five seconds, yeah that sounded right. Five seconds... one Mississippi... two Mississippi... three-

"Ah?"

It was quiet but there, definitely there.

He breathed a real sigh of relief. Thank you God!

"You decent?"

"Why wouldn't I be usuratonkachi?"

What a pet name that could outlast the ages... Instead of getting angry like he usually did, Naruto let it slide. Man was he actually growing up or what? He deemed it acceptable to enter and did so right away, not even announcing it aloud.

"You had me worried." That earned a look. "Glad to see you're okay."

"You're glad?" Sasuke parroted slowly.

Naruto shook his head up and down vigorously, eyes trying not to drink in the sight before him. Sasuke was seated on the edge of the white porcelain tub against the wall under a window. There was a large white terry cloth draped loosely around his waist covering everything from lower belly to just above his kneecaps. Another towel was wrapped about his neck, his right hand was gripping at the edges with a tense hold and he was pulling it as tightly as he could over both shoulders.

It was obvious what he was trying so desperately to hide. Too bad he was failing horribly.

And Sasuke never did take losing well...

Again Naruto was the bigger man and looked away. If he pretended not to see it, maybe Sasuke would feel a little better. Right now was when he needed cheering up the most, even if a stubborn prick like himself refused to admit it. Yeah, Naruto was gonna give him everything he could, make this the best part of his life until he was capable of recovering from all the damage done in the last couple years.

"Alright then!" He chirped in a conversational tone, "I'll let you finish getting dressed!" Walking out as if he'd seen nothing out of the ordinary, he closed the door partly behind him. He knew Sasuke hated it when people stared, a fear now engraved into him. He didn't want to be the main cause of that irritation and it was best to let him work this out, like so many times before, by himself.

Sasuke didn't want anyone else's help... not even his own sometimes.

Naruto sighed trying to forget it, but it was so hard when your friend was struggling. Rubbing the back of his head he remembered what was next on his (hit)list. Fucking Sai...

His anger came back with a vengeance. Oh how that guy was gonna get a piece of his mind.

Trying his best to forget about Sasuke, he'd be fine all by himself if the task at hand was just to get dressed. Clothes couldn't be that hard of an opponent right? Right. He managed to make it to the kitchen again in one piece, body still dirty and mood just as rotten.

"Alright buddy," he crossed his arms stiffly over his puffed out chest, attention glued to Sai. The other was licking the pad of his thumb and reaching forward to crease the corner of a particular page he'd been reading. Naruto twitched in agitation. He _knew_ that he hated that...

"Care to explain why you left him all alone?"

Naruto congratulated himself for a job well done thus far. He hadn't gotten exceedingly pissed yet - this was always a good sign. If he could keep his voice down and remain as calm as Sai, then they could solve this issue with little to no hassle and Sasuke wouldn't have to know.

Sai merely shrugged, still not looking up.

Tick one.

"Hey, I'm talking to you."

"Yes, I can see that."

"No you can't, don't lie! You're not even looking at me!"

Sai brought a finger to lips as a warning for Naruto to lower it.

Tick two.

"Don't tell me what to do asshole!"

"Don't yell."

"Will you just answer my damn question?"

Sai released an exasperated breath, he wasn't in the mood to argue today - not like he was ever in the mood of much anyway... but this was different. He didn't like having to deal with an irate Naruto.

"He told me to leave him be, so I did."

"And you didn't even try to fight back? You didn't try to convince him otherwise?"

Sai folded the paper with a talented ease and slammed it hard on the tabletop surface. Naruto continued on uninterrupted, this was serious. Too many times before Sai had left Sasuke to his own devices... That was dangerous! Thousands of bad things could happen in the span of a second if he was unsupervised. So why did Sai keep doing this time and time again?

"He could have hurt himself! That wound's still fresh! It's hardly healed! He can't do much on his own! What if he'd fallen? What if he'd drowned? What if he'd, he'd-" Naruto began to hyperventilate, his speech was bordering a full-out shout. That was ridiculous, he knew. There was no way Sasuke, the last Uchiha, would ever be caught fucking dead by the evil deeds of some soap and water in the bathtub.

But it was just the goddamn principle of the thing!

Biting his lower lip in frustration, Naruto tightened his fists and did his best to tame them by his slacks. He was just worried; he had every right to be. Sasuke was his friend, his best friend and here he was being the worst helper in the entire city of Konoha. Why did he constantly fuck up things?

Oh wait, no. That was all Sai's job wasn't it?

"You know he can't be left alone!" He whispered out roughly through grit teeth. Tsunade had given him strict orders to watch over Sasuke as long as he was in their care. The other was still weak and recovering from that last fight with Itachi. It had cost him a lot; his family, his hopes, his dreams, and now a body part... Sasuke was never going to be a ninja again.

Sai just sat there and took it. He didn't even blink, just waited.

"You know how I feel about this whole thing... we need to watch him, we need to-"

"No."

Naruto stopped.

"What?"

"No."

Sai stared on, eyes hardened into a look Naruto had never seen before.

"Why...?" The other ventured slowly; what strange behavior.

"I said no and I mean it."

"What are you talking about? Why would you-"

Sai suddenly did something that for once shut Naruto the hell up and made him forget what he was about to go on saying. The darker-haired boy stood up and smashed a fist sharply into the wood of the table. He might have left a crack in it too if the force had been any harder...

"I'm sick of this. I'm tired of hearing you talk about nothing but Sasuke and how you worry about him and how you care about him and I-" He chocked up in the middle of his monologue, looking away to his left where nothing was to judge him.

"I don't like feeling this way. I don't like it. I don't like it at all." He peered back into Naruto's eyes.

"It hurts Naruto. It hurts what you're doing to me... I don't know what it is, but I'm tired of hearing it and I'm tired of listening to it and dealing with it - dealing with him, dealing with you!" The end of that sentence came out heady and rushed. Sai must have really been serious and Naruto couldn't find the right words all of a sudden. His throat was pinching in the worst way... Why was today turning into this?

"I don't need this..." Sai lowered his head and hunched forward onto the table, like he was convincing himself that it was the absolute truth. That he could walk away just as easily if he so much as wanted to.

"Sai..."

His line of vision shot upwards and meet Naruto's watering eyes. _Was Naruto actually about to cry?_

"Don't go..."

"I won't be second to him."

"You're not!" Naruto stressed the end in his best tone but it came out as a whine. He couldn't do this... choose between who was more important. A few months back, things would have been less complicated. He wouldn't have invited Sai to share in the rest of his life and Sasuke would still be the apple of his eye, no questions asked.

But this was later and things were different. He had changed and he had to deal with the consequences of his choices.

"It's him or me."

Sai was definite in his conviction. There would be no room for him in that heart if Sasuke was still lingering around in the darkest corners. Unconscious or not, Naruto had an unhealthy attachment to his first best friend. It was something Sai knew he could never compete with if he ever wanted to stay with Naruto in the way he had once before been promised, when life was less Sasuke-filled.

Naruto needed to choose.  
And he _had _to do it now.

But the other boy wouldn't say anything, couldn't say anything. It was kind of funny how an argument of negligence on one side could escalate into a war of it from the other end. His lips quivered lightly, face furrowed in indecision.

"Please don't make me choose..."

Sai sighed and hung his head in defeat, shoulders throwing their full weight into his hands. Air was suddenly heavy and he needed to get out of here. _Walk away, walk away..._

"Then I'll do it for you." Pushing himself off the table, he spun around with determination in his stride.

He was leaving because this was the way Naruto apparently wanted things. This was what had to be done.

"Sai!" Naruto brought up his hands in utter frustration. There was nothing he could do to stop him, he felt so helpless now.

Without a look back or even a second of hesitation, Sai stormed out of the kitchen and out of the apartment. The door slammed with a finality that rang endlessly in the tiny indoors.

"Come back..." Naruto weakly rattled, his fingers reaching out forward where the other once was.

Part of him new that if he really wanted to, he could easily go on a hunt after the other, but that would be stupid. He would be completely forsaking the sacrifice Sai had just given for him. And that would make him the worst kind of liar - a hypocrite. He had been mad that Sasuke was alone; that he would be alone... and by leaving now he would only be the one adding to his own fear. Completely contradictory and nothing more than foolhardy in the end...

So he stood there, hands clenched tightly to his chest, grappling for some kind of surface that would stop the hurt and make Sai come back.

Time stopped for him but kept moving forward all the same everywhere else. How long would it take for the rest of him to catch up? "Oh God Sai..."

"Let him go."

Sasuke's voice registered vaguely in his troubled mind. It was faint and almost intelligible. Naruto turned his head to look over a defensive shoulder.

"Just let him go Naruto."

He stood there with a patient look on his face, eyes darker than their normal shade of coal but still observant and still just as deadly. His body was covered by another set of navy robes similar to the ones he had been found in. His right arm was slung lowly on the belt rungs stitched in around his waist and the left sleeve swung freely. Sakura had fashioned this especially for him - said that his own sort of shame would appreciate the gesture in the long run.

Naruto guessed she was right but that didn't matter now.

Sasuke was his voice for reason in an endlessly down spiraling world.

"If he can't see what's right in front of him, then he deserves nothing less."

Naruto wished he could believe that somehow.

-----

Yeah, my first attempt (in a nutshell) at an ooc-Sai... trust me that's for a good reason. I'm basing this after a post-relationship with Naruto and Sai. Sasuke just got tossed into the bunch for the hell of it and my own sick amusement. I hope you enjoyed it. Work is currently being done a third chapter and if you liked it please let me know. I'll be sure to post up the second chapter real soon in response.


	2. Two's A Crowd

**Title:** Two's A Crowd  
**Author:** Jinhito  
**Disclaimer:** I own nothing except my deluded yaoi-filled mind.  
**Summary:** Now this was something he wasn't expecting... he certainly felt he didn't belong right then. Can you say awkward?  
**Author's Note:** Written for Nyusama because I loves her... This is also now a secondary side project to keep me from completely angsting over OMN 4... Beta-ing done by Sel. Enjoy!

-----

_I wish I'd paid more attention when Iruka-sensei was lecturing me on proper care. Sasuke definitely won't be talking about it anytime soon... Sai hasn't come back yet either..._

_I miss him..._

--

"Naruto."

It came from the dining room area and the fox-faced blonde dropped the pencil he'd been using and padded over. Sasuke didn't usually call for him; unless he was in dire need of assistance... he quickened his pace.

"Ah? What do you need now?"

That sounded bad, Naruto knew it. Sasuke hated asking for help in the first place, this was just rubbing salt in the wound. He grimaced; wishing he could take it back suddenly, stop the hurt before it could settle in with the steady aching throb of Sasuke's left shoulder.

But the other said nothing, overlooked it in a way that genius can compensate for stupid. He motioned with his head, come closer.

Sasuke was seated comfortably at the table, a newspaper flat and pressed in front of him. It was nicely creased in the center, an act that took two hands to accomplish successfully.

Sai must have been the last person to touch it.

That was yesterday.

"Naruto."

Sasuke eyed the other warily from across the table since he had stopped somewhere between the door and himself. Not quite close enough to help him in his current predicament. But he would ask no more, calling out had been the hardest step, admitting that thin sheets of newsprint and little else had actually managed to defeat him.

It took a moment before Naruto got the gist of just what he should have been doing all along. Licking a thumb with the rough tip of his tongue, he grabbed it from its humble spot, crinkling the first couple pages by accident.

Upon opening it he could see little dog-ears here and there from where Sai had marked his favorite places. It was a nasty habit, something contingent with Sai. Something Naruto often felt the need to bitch at him for, for ruining his personal collection of good books. Not that he had many at his disposal but it was the principle of the thing.

Having completely lost himself in the memory momentarily, he snapped back into reality before he was too far-gone to realize it. Looking at Sasuke he could only see the patient exterior with a sort of expectation written on the calm features there.

Now that was new.

But he wasn't going to complain. Patience was something you could easily be taught after all, especially when you had been the apprentice understudy of a legendary sannin, just bidding your time until you gained enough power to overthrow him...

Naurto flipped open to the first two inside pages having assumed the other was done with the outside by his own aid. He made sure to ruffle them in such a way that his charge could see.

It wasn't easy at first because he didn't know whether he should keep holding them or settle it back down for Sasuke to do as he pleased on his own pride's terms. Instead of fumbling and jerking around the awkwardness of the situation even more, he opted to wait.

Heck, if Sasuke could be taught then maybe there was hope for him yet.

As expected the darker-haired boy read slowly, eyes traveling lazily from line to line. Each word taking its time to get off the conveyor belt of his vision and into the localization of cohesion somewhere in his mind. Sasuke kept quite for the most part, expression hardly changing as he jumped from the weather into politics.

Naruto wasn't sure how much longer he'd have to stand there and was about to say something about it when Sasuke beat him to it.

"I really hate that," he said after a moment of paused thinking.

"Huh?"

Naruto was lost.  
Hate what?  
Why?

Refusing to admit any more, Sasuke leaned forward to correct a dog-eared corner on the right page with his index finger and thumb working together to smooth it back into some sort of former glory.

Naruto wanted to laugh but settled for smiling softly instead. So it wasn't just him being a nagging nancy after all. Sai was rather compulsive now that he thought about it...

"You know, I keep telllin' him that," him was not mentioned but implied, "and he does it anyway. I swear it's just to piss me off... Actually, come to think of it, what he did last month with my magazines was even worse. I can't believe he-"

Naruto got cut off mid-sentence by a pair of desperate lips claiming his. Sasuke's hand had suddenly rushed forward to fetch him by the collar of his shirt and yank him closer.

The shock set in quickly, numbing his mumbling lips in mere seconds and causing Sasuke to kiss back even harder. He pulled away a moment later, breath ragged and passion-filled. The tense hold wouldn't ease up any. Sasuke's actions promised so much more, but only if...

"Stop talking about him.

He left you...

He's not the one you really want..."

Naruto tore the paper in his trembling hands; grip instinctively tighter in his sudden confusion - body numb when his brain stopped sending the right signals.

"Naruto, I-"

Sasuke had no idea where he was going with this, why he'd started it, what he was doing... But he was damn near positive that he was not going to lose his last precious person to someone else when he was absolutely sure he could have done something to stop it.

He leaned forward again; body in need of some sort of comforting action that only Naruto could give him. He wanted more, wouldn't take no for answer and he was going to take it by force if need be.

There was an immediate awakening and Naruto couldn't stop his next action but he knew he'd regret soon after.

"No!"

He pushed back against the person assaulting him, one hand firm on a bicep the other free-swatting and only hitting the empty left socket of the robe Sasuke was wearing.

He had just done the worst possible thing he could do in a situation as bad as this.

_Fuck..._

Sasuke blinked dumbly before the full weight of honesty hit him head on at over a hundred miles per hour. He was maimed, he was cripple, and he was an invalid missing an entire arm. His eyes widened and the dull coloring of the red Sharingen flared up in his charcoal irises.

His muscles tensed under the skin but nothing came of it. He wouldn't have the power necessary to do much anyway being as weak as he was now. This was pointless... he needed to say something, do something besides let his anger and self-hatred rise up again.

"Sasuke, I'm sorry... I'm so sorry... I didn't-"

"What the hell is this?"

Both directed their attention to the now overwhelmed doorway.

Sai was standing rigid with his right hand braced tightly on the wooden frame. His face betrayed no emotion but the door was suffering the worst, splinters of wood chipping off under his gloved fingertips. In his free hand he held a bouquet of flowers, also being crushed at the stem by his raging jealousy.

But he'd said it so calmly too... more cool and collected than his interior must have been screaming.

"Sai..."

-----

Hope you enjoyed this chapter more than the first. Yay for angst and jealousy! I realize it's a short update but the third installment is huge, no joke. D: I'm almost done writing it. Reviews are loved but not wholly necessary. Also, OMN will be updated soon.


	3. Stranger's Sympathy

**Title: **Stranger's Sympathy  
**Author:** Jinhito  
**Disclaimer:** Own nothing except my deluded yaoi-filled mind.  
**Summary: **Pity from the most unlikely of places could either be the best given gift, or the worst aid of all. If they had known things would turn out this way... well, it would have been better to just let it be.  
**Author's Note:** Dedicated to my nyusama! Thank you for all your hard work betaing for me Nyu, thank you!

----

_I know we said things we shouldn't have... And I really regret them now, but I just can't leave Sasuke alone. And even if it's weird, and even if he keeps looking at me like that, and even if I can't properly look him in the eye..._

_And even if... I can't lie to myself._

_I just want everything to be back to the way it was before any of this happened._

--

"Why are you doing this?"

Sakura looked up from her position above the stove. Her hands were busy preparing dinner; it was rare she got to cook for two. But she just wished it could have been under better circumstances. Turning back to her pots and pans, meats and vegetables, she just shrugged and offered little else in the ways of an explanation.

Taking pity on someone was less than rewarding... Sai would not have appreciated that kind of answer either. He was as self-sufficient and stubborn as Sasuke ever was - it amazed her everyday how they were more and more alike. By simple observation alone you might figure they were related. And when Sakura stood them up side by side and measured qualities that made them each an individual... both were just as frustrating than she could possibly ever handle alone.

Maybe it was because they were both living together under one roof with Naruto now; she couldn't imagine the turmoil he had to go through every single day. She'd have no hair left to pull out at the end of the night if she had to deal with them twenty-four seven.

God, life had a wicked sense of humor, dumping this on her when it knew damn well she had no patience.

"It's pity isn't it?" Sai continued to stare down into his cup of complimentary coffee. He had no preference for drinks but he was never the kind to look a gift horse in the mouth. If she was going to go out of her way to fix him up something, he would at least except it with mild indifference.

Didn't mean he had to actually ingest it though... but he did at least wet his lips.

Sakura jumped guilty in her tied tight pale pink apron, on the front stitched neatly and daintily in a red thread were the words 'Mess with me and you don't eat.' She was never a real good liar.

"I may be naïve, but I'm not stupid. I know what those words mean on a dictionary basis... I read them all you know... " Serious was no longer a state of simply being, "I'm not-"

"I know." She interrupted, not bothering to apologize for the rude action. Her tone had wavered between weary and timid.

Thinking back on it now she shouldn't have invited him in, or allowed him to stay here on her couch tonight, but she couldn't leave him alone. Not like that. He'd been wandering around aimless in the empty streets of Konoha. The hospital's late afternoon shift had just let her off work and maybe it was fate that had let it happen, allowed them to run into each other. So she acted on common courtesy and offered him her company for the night.

"So why?"

Again she shrugged. But instead of leaving it to wander, she laid down her ladle and began to untie the stiff strings at the back of her apron. The broth she had been stirring would be okay if left unsupervised for a few minutes.

Sakura had decided long ago that she was going to be the one to fix things from now on. It wasn't her job, it wasn't her place and in no way was it any of her business - but she was rather impulsive when it came to friends. She only wanted the best for them.

Sasuke had opened her eyes.

Naruto had done so much for her... always offered to do everything in her name. Now it was her turn to pay back that debt; she was going to fix this too.

"Tell me what happened..." She asked walking deftly into the living room that was only separated by a half wall with an open window to where she had once been. Sai watched her enter, no longer interested in his drink.

"Why do you want to know?"

"Is that a little bit of hesitancy I hear in your voice?"

That earned a quiet glance, it was probably the closest she was ever going to get as a glare from him. He shifted to make himself comfortable in his seat on her living room sofa. It was bumpy and horrible like there were rocks in it. Probably just another sign that her home was not accustomed to such frequent guests as himself.

Sakura just kept staring at him expectantly and Sai supposed honesty was key now. So instead of keeping things to himself, he decided to embrace the fact that he could _in fact_ feel and would therefore answer her adamant questioning.

Might get her to leave him alone sooner too if he was lucky.

"I left."

"What?"

Sakura found a place to sit opposite him in her single lounge mini-chair. It was cushioned but not overly so, that made it a little easier to right herself and look him in the eye. Avoidance was the game they were trying their best to skirt around.

"So you just walked out?" Calm quiet questions... nice and slow, nice and easy.

"Yes."

"What? Why?" She immediately lowered her voice and tried to restrain the sudden urge to lean over and pummel him. No doubt Naruto thought it was entirely his fault. Good God Sai could be as dense as a piece of wood when he really wanted to...

"I just did."

"And you can't tell me why?"

She reached up to rub her at the bridge of her nose in near frustration. This was going to be difficult.

"No. I don't know why."

"Are you serious - how can you not?"

"I told you, I don't know. I just did," he repeated it to her at a slower speed as if she were the stupid one.

She bit her lip to keep from raising her voice again... this was ridiculous. Honestly, how could you not even hold yourself accountable for your own actions? Better yet, how you could not realize what it was that you had done even after you'd done it? So stupid...

"Look, if you were angry, that would make sense, I mean-"

"What do you mean... angry?"

"Huh?"

"Angry... what's it feel like?"

Sakura sat back in her seat looking dumbfounded, like a game show host had given her the most impossible question in all the world. Honestly, counting on your fingers, how many times in your life would you ever be asked this? Never...

Normal people had instincts and intuition, normal people had consciences with moral, normal people even had the barest hint of common sense! Hell, a toddler probably knew more about emotion than Sai did at this rate! This was like starting over from ground zero; he was growing up all over again in a new way, his body creating him a new soul with this unheard of ability to suddenly feel.

"Angry?" She asked out of place. "I thought you said," remembering back to that afternoon near the Bridge of Heaven almost two years into the past, "you couldn't - never mind."

Sai continued to wait patiently for her to answer him. Her face would mess up every couple seconds but he knew she was thinking hard about how to phrase her words. Emotions were a tricky thing, that was something he already knew... doing your best to express them in a sentence was one of the hardest things he'd been facing down all week.

Actions spoke louder, Naruto had always bellowed, so that could be why he took the initiative to up and leave. Maybe it would be better this way, no matter that not less than two or so months before he had leaned over to give Naruto his own first self-instigated kiss.

That was what he had considered a turning point... and then Sasuke had come back last week... that boy had ruined everything. Sai didn't know why his chest tightened or his eyes suddenly grew harder but he figured it was natural when thinking about the Uchiha. Naruto always used to get this way too, or so he had said.

What the hell was the difference between love and hate anymore?

"Well..." Sakura started slowly and he abandoned his own worthless thoughts - Sai was never one to think too highly of himself. His full attention glued to the way she was about to stumble over the awkward explanation.

"Tell me." He spoke after having had enough of watching her bite her lip uncomfortably. She shrunk in on herself, trying to hide away.

"Tell me Sakura." She shut her eyes and tightened her hands in her lap.

"It's when you're so confused and so frustrated that it builds up and bubbles up and you don't know what to do... it's a debilitating emotion because it can impair judgment and render you senseless..." It came out quickly and passionate, she had no other way to explain it to him simply without rambling. God she hoped this made sense to him.

"Don't know what to do," he parroted looking down at the forgotten cup in his hands.

"Yes, and because of all the hurt and confusion you're feeling you think you might explode because it's so warm, too hot to handle and sometimes you do and it's so horrible because then you lash out at the people you don't mean to hurt and then you - Sai! You're spilling on my carpet!"

"What?" He looked up at her widened eyes and then down again to the place her pointed finger was aimed. Somewhere between his unfocused gaze and her second speech he'd leaned too far forward on the edge of his seat and some of the dark liquid in his mug had managed to dribble over the rim.

It left a deep brown stain on her light cream carpeting.

Before she could stand up to scream at him for doing something so uncharacteristically careless, there was a loud sizzling noise and the undeniable smell of burning food coming from her stove. It squealed in torment as her stew began to broil over and down the sides of her pot. She'd let it sit alone too long without a good stir and now the meal was fighting back.

"SHIT!" She shot up and scrambled over the seat and rushed into the kitchen to attend to the more threatening matter first. Almost forgetting to grab some wool mitts she nearly burned herself in the process.

Sai looked away from her loud cursing and rather embarrassing scene. She'd meant to cook them dinner, not ruin the evening. He was sure of that because she was _that kind_ of girl, Sakura would feel awful about this for the rest of the night.

Eyeing the coffee seeping deeper into the clean color of her cream carpet, Sai couldn't help but feel a little bad about this whole situation. Seemed like the only emotions he could be feeling lately were terrible ones...

He would help her clean up when she was done. This was his fault after all.

If he had not made her feel awful about letting him wander alone in the night and if she had not been allowed to take pity on him, then they wouldn't be in this mess after all. With him in the living room leaving one rather troublesome stain on a nice rug and her in the kitchen with burnt soup...

"Sakura?" He called out pretty sure that most of all the damage that would be done had stopped since her clamoring and screaming had calmed down.

"I was angry."

"Excuse me?" She answered back a little harsher than she intended, completely lost due to the seriousness of the situation she'd just helped subdue. Her mind was currently stressing over the distasteful state of their dinner and what more could be going wrong now?

"I was angry," he repeated a little louder this time. He was pretty damn sure that this had been the problem. "I was angry with Naruto."

Sakura blinked dumbly for a few moments. Sai had just completed a full step to the human guide of living emotions by this simple admission. Not bad if all it cost was a ruined dinner and a dirty carpet. Sakura figured it could always have been worse... she felt her calm coming back again.

"Yeah... guess that explains it..."

The night went on a little smoother after that whole ordeal.

Sakura managed to scrounge up some decent carryout from a shop down the street, last minute before their closing, while Sai offered to pay for it. It was his way of apologizing without words.

And in return, as thanks, she let him spend the night on her couch free of charge. Her only form of a true friendly debt would be tomorrow morning when Ino got to help her fix the problem with a little girl talk and some insight.

Sai would not argue.  
That was for sure.

--

It didn't matter that he'd kept his promise and stayed with Sasuke, Naruto was miserable all day long. Since the argument had happened in the mid-morning, he'd had nothing to look forward to as the day wound down.

And no it wasn't like that! Neither of them had gone that far... well, at least he and Sai hadn't been so openly intimate yet. No one would ever believe him to be a man of higher morals when his brain was probably filled with thoughts of only his beloved ramen, but Naruto was rather innocently chaste about his relations. Things that took a good time to be cultivated should be taken better care of. And time was never an issue for him nowadays, so there was no need to rush into emotional dealings any sooner than need be.

But in all honestly he just wasn't the kind of guy to so easily go tossing deep, personal feelings around... it had taken a long time for him to even trust them alone together in one bed for a night. But that had been weeks ago, and Naruto was now trained to enjoy someone else's company during the cooler evenings... even if only on a completely platonic level.

Tonight was still going to be lonely for him with or without Sasuke here.

It had already been an empty home well into the late afternoon and early evening since the Uchiha liked to lone around the house; linger in an open empty room and meditate or whatever he liked to call it. More like sitting around and wasting space... but it was always done in private and on his own time.

Even after considering all the bad things that had gone wrong today, Sasuke hadn't even attempted to extend that sweet invitation for someone else's company.

Naruto never understood why he liked to be by himself so much. It was probably unhealthy, the amount he did it. Being cooped up in the house was also a hot topic, he knew he'd have gone mad from Sasuke's daily solitary agenda. But these and other common occurrences were all just part of his new shut-in, _hermiting_ behavior. It was troubling only to Naruto because he could think of plenty of things to do or be doing outside and away from this hellhole...

Normally this place wasn't usually a hellhole either, it was just that Naruto hadn't done anything all day except sulk in dead silence by himself waiting for something to happen and sit down to cry about the other's deliberate absence. Not the best of activities to be doing by yourself, and not for as long as he had done them already.

Geez Sasuke's lack of presence could really dampen a mood...

Because if there was one thing that the Uchiha was still able to do without even being there, it was make Naruto upset with himself over nothing. Sasuke just seemed to have that sort of effect on him; like nothing ever fazed his greatness and that the only wuss was Naruto... too proud to be honest and too weak to get over it.

It was just so easy for him to make Naruto feel like they were twelve again... still childish about everything and always daring to call the other a big baby or a scaredy-cat if it could make them look better in the end...

Naruto looked down into his open palms. It was past ten now, he'd been staring at the clock above the stove for more than an hour or so now after dinner had ended. He hadn't left the kitchen at all since then either. He figured that if Sai wasn't back now, he probably wasn't going to be coming back anytime soon.

That pained him in some way he couldn't quite express.

Even after Sasuke had told him that it was Sai's own fault for walking out this morning; that he shouldn't blame himself for the other being a total asshole, Naruto just hadn't felt any better about the whole ordeal. In fact, he was still moping, if you counted this ridiculously calm patience as him waiting like a lovesick puppy for it's abusive master to come back home and kick it some more.

He sighed and meandered into the living room nearby.

Lucky for him it had a doorway connected to the kitchen just even enough so he could keep accurate track of time. Fancy that. He collapsed down into the sofa nearest to him like a punch drunk sailor. This sucked.

Sleep was not going to be a battle easily won if he continued on at this rate. He just hoped he passed out from exhaustion soon. Too much time gone by staring at the bleak little numbers marking the hour in the kitchen clock nailed to the wall, was starting to strain his eyesight.

--

The morning came far too soon. Sai wasn't usually a lazy body when the sun started rising, but for some reason this new bizarre behavior he'd seen in Naruto many a time before was as good a reason as any to stall in his eyes.

He hadn't really slept much last night.

Pure self-will was the only thing that allowed him even a four-hour nap, if that. But that had been plagued with many uncalled for wake-ups and interruptions. It wasn't unusual for someone like him to go days without sleep but this was different. He felt he deserved at least one restful night after all he'd been through yesterday.

Regardless of his own selfish desires and rued loss of sleep, he had been instantly awake the moment Sakura began stirring in her room down the hall.

He'd heard her yawn softly and stretch her weary body, the light rustle of fabric from her night shirt and the gentle padding of her footsteps in carpet until she reached the tiles of her bathroom... to take a long shower that promised to be steamy since his nose picked up the subtle change in humidity about the household...

He counted ten minutes as she took her slow time. He didn't mind though, but was well aware of her ready presence before she even opened the door to step out and check on him.

And for once he didn't care if she was wanting his attention or not. A sudden feeling of dread had somehow made itself at home in the lower portion of his abdomen. It wasn't something he was used to lagging about and was uncomfortable to say the least.

Today just didn't feel as good as Sakura had explained it would yesterday.

A girl's help could be troublesome and he was highly reluctant to let her do all the patching up. This had to be the first time he'd ever been so hesitant before in his life.

Sai was going to procrastinate as long as he could.

Never before had an apology made him so averse... Sure everyone made mistakes and on one or more occasions he had said that he was sorry, but those had been empty words. He had never actually meant anything by it except trying to look normal. Today would be unlike any of those other situations though, he was going to have to be sincere, put the _inflection_ behind the _meaning_.

A door creaked open and he knew Sakura was well on her way. She yawned again in that quiet way of hers while hiding her wide mouth under a petite hand.

"Gaawd marowning Saai," she managed with only a bit of a slur. Apparently a hot shower wasn't enough to wake her up fully, but he could make most of it out by common sense anyway.

"Ah."

He was still sitting in the same position she'd last seen him in before heading off to bed herself.

The covers were tucked snuggly up in his underarms, both hands resting lightly by his sides. His vision was trained not on her, but mostly at the ceiling, as he was not yet willing to acknowledge that their new day had even begun. He wouldn't turn to look at her either.

"It's gonna be okay," she soothed, squatting down on the balls of her feet next to the couch she'd piled blankets and pillows on for his stay. There was a hand coming up to rest gently on his shoulder but she would touch him no more than that.

"Things will work out..."

"How do you know?" He innocently questioned still looking away. Sakura could only offer another pat and a few more generic words of comfort.

"It will. I have a feeling... so don't stress."

Sai finally turned to her, his eyes searching deep within her own in an eerie sort of way for any such signs of betrayal. Her concern was honest and her care was real. That was as much as he could ask for from another person so close and so far at the same time. This was all he should have been allowed to hope for today.

Going and getting started was a whole other matter as it was still a pain.

Upon sitting up he instantly regretted not having grabbed some of his other necessities before storming out yesterday. He direly wished for a new pair of clean clothes to change into. His current ones were a day old and didn't smell all that right. Truthfully though, it wasn't everyday you walked out of your newly established life now was it?

He was at least going to get a shower if nothing else.

"Okay."

He disheveled the covers of their neat layout and dropped a bare foot to the carpet. Sakura quickly pointed him in the direction of the bathroom knowing instinctively, as women do, just what he was hoping for.

That is not until after she made a comment about sleep-smelly boys and giggled.

--

Naruto hadn't gotten much sleep the night before, only a restless one that had left him tossing and turning in an empty bed.

But his alarm was going off at an insisting rate now, demanding that he be awoken from that tiny grain of wonderful he had just managed to drift off into and the bloody thing needed to be turned off before he just gave up and broke it with his angry fist.

But that was beside the point, what he really needed to be doing was getting up and reporting to Iruka for any and all possib(le)ly stupid missions.

His job was a chore, but he was finally a full-fledged ninja.

A tanned hand shot out of the warm covers to slap on the snooze but ended up slamming into equally warm flesh and blood. The noise had long since stopped since his re-awakening to turn off the alarm but he was too dense to notice.

Naruto sat up quickly in bed with a speed to rival a gunshot and the look to match a deranged individual.

"S-Sa-"

He didn't finish that thought.

Sasuke stood hovering next to the bedside, right hand extended and index finger trapped under Naruto's still holding the off button down.

His expression was neutral while his eyes were curious.

"Sa-Sasuke!" Naruto finally fumbled out the last few syllables needed to complete his friend's name. It was only a bit wobbly but it wasn't wholly obvious he had been tripped up.

Because it was just unusual for Sasuke to be towering over him when he was still in bed. And true that it was often the raven-haired male who was the first to rise, putting even the anbu roots member in the house to shame, but he had never before entered this room of his own free will.

For it was a temple of sorts one might say, something that needed to be deeply respected as privacy is and needed to be treated with the utmost of care. Only those holy to its truths could enter without shame. Sai was like the barrier to keep out. But the guardian was gone now wasn't he?

Perhaps that above all else could explain Sasuke's guts.

"What are you doing in my room?" He blurted out. Rude? Maybe, but it was exactly what went through his mind the moment he saw the other. Naruto wasn't known to be thoughtful.

Sasuke blinked nonchalantly and offered a small shrug of his shoulders.

Naruto couldn't help but stare at the way the left sleeve wavered empty in the motion. It was unnerving and he didn't mean to pay it so much attention but it was just... there.

How did Sasuke deal with that every morning?

"Your alarm's been going off for the past five minutes. It was starting to get on my nerves, so I came in here to turn it off and tell you to get up."

"Really?" Naruto looked up mutely from where his eyes had become glued on deep navy fabric to stare at the mess that was their hands - still together, still not moving.

Five minutes? What time was it? It'd been that long already? Definitely didn't feel like no five minutes to him...

"You're late dobe."

Naruto scrambled around, swimming in the sheets until he could get a good settling on the bed to reach over and grab for the white little alarm clock.

Sasuke hadn't moved, save his hand and was looking on quite bemused by his friend's idiocy. It wasn't a rare occurrence but you had to get your kicks when you could.

Finally managing a comfortable position, Naruto reached forward and nearly yanked the poor electronic's wires out of the wall just to read the digital screen with bleary grog-filled eyes.

The bright blinking red flashes of light proclaimed 9:03 am.

First three thoughts to come crashing into Naruto's head, and in no particular order were as follows:

'Shit I overslept!'  
'Three after nine!'  
And 'Oh fuck me, I'm late!'

Naruto dropped the clock and hurdled himself out of the bed. Covers and all draped loosely behind him in man-made wind, crying out as if to say that they didn't want him to leave.

Modesty be damned! He needed to hurry up and get a move on! He was negative three minutes on time!

"'Scuse me Sasuke!" he yelled, running in a daze out the room.

There was a continued rush of heavy sleep-laden footstomps to the bathroom and Sasuke cringed only slightly when he heard the door to the bathroom slam. He rolled his eyes and let them drawl in the left corner of his lids until he felt it fair to tell Naruto the truth.

Hot water got turned on too quickly for some tastes when he heard another loud curse, but no other noise besides insane rushing could be heard. Sasuke walked up coolly to the door and rapped his knuckles against the wood. He was willing to wait for however long it took to get a response.

"Go away teme! Can't see you I'm late?"

Sasuke sighed looking away and trying not to shake his head in awe of the situation. "You're clock's wrong stupid." He heard all movement cease with the water running lazily in the background. "It's fast by fifteen minutes." Quiet... quiet... then -

"WHAT?" The door handle nearly ripped out of it's position in the wooden panel when the door came flying open. Naruto had flung the damn thing so fast it had crashed loudly into already protesting hinges, leaving him standing near stark naked at the open doorway. His fingers were tangled into the fabric of a white terry cloth, the only thing keeping him modest, wrapped from the waist down.

"I said," Sasuke repeated in a much slower voice, tone dripping with as much sarcasm as he could muster, really wasn't he supposed to be the invalid in this household? "Your clock is wrong. It's set fifteen minutes ahead if the actual time." He made it a point to thumb over his shoulder at the microwave, nice and discreetly hidden in it's cubby hole above the fridge.

Naruto squinted and slowly made sense of the new information. 8:50 am.

Clock fast.  
Not late.  
Can slow down.  
Awesome.

Relief slapped him right upside the face and he nearly dropped his towel.

"Usuratonkachi." Sasuke finalized, turning to walk away and go to whatever it was he was doing before this little incident. "Honestly, you set your alarm clock fifteen minutes ahead so you won't have the opportunity to sleep in too late and then you forget about it? Baka..."

But it hadn't been Naruto to play with the alarm clocks settings, no. That had been someone else's handiwork, someone else who wasn't quite here... Sai had formulated this experiment last weekend to help him rouse for the duty of taking care of Sasuke, missions, and awareness in general.

He had mumbled something about it being a worthless bother to try and forcefully wake him up by usual methods... and that ten minutes wouldn't have been adequate timing since Naruto liked to roll over and snooze for an additional five minutes no matter what the time.

Sai had known a lot of things from simple observations... his care was in his application of that knowledge. The ways he provided for Naruto, thought ahead for the two of them, always looked out even if - even if he had once said it made Naruto weak to rely on it. When something was provided for you, how could you slap away the hand and flip the gift horse off?

Naruto watched Sasuke stalk off to his place of choosing until he entered a doorway and was lost from sight. About that time was when he shut the door behind himself and slid down to the floor silently. His brain was busy calculating the minutes he had left.

It was only a total of five or so that he needed to shower and dress fully before using a lower level jutsu to teleport straight to the addressing office... subtracting any additional minutes or so because he never knew if he'd run into anyone worth talking to on his way there...

Why, that right there left him with at least three more free minutes to himself. And what better way to spend it than huddled up in a miserable little bundle of agony and ache on your cold and unforgiving bathroom tile floor?

He hugged his suddenly chilled body closer.

God he missed Sai.

--

"Alright! Here we are," Sakura celebrated upon their arrival in front of the Yamanaka Flower Shop. Sai appeared only a bit dubious about this whole thing. _Was it really going to be helping things?_

But if he ever wanted to complain, he never said a word.

Sakura only beamed a little more at her own brilliance before courtesy took over and she grabbed for the door handle. Sai entered before her; a man's pride was lacking in him so the knowledge of ladies first was non-existent. Far as he was concerned, daytime hours didn't count. She was only a lady when she was sleeping.

A jolly little bell announced their separate intrusions. They didn't have to wait long before someone got to them.

"Youkoso! Welcome! Bienvenue! How ever you like to say it, what can I do for you today?" Ino called out in her accented voice, hands busy wiping off the last of the greenery on her work apron. It was still rather early and she must've been busy in the back setting up fresh arrangements with the day's newest shipment. Designing was one of her favorite pastimes after all...

But the cheery look dampened somewhat when she finally managed to catch a glimpse of just who it was gracing her doorsteps. "Ah, forehead-girl. What can I do ya' for?"

"Still with rude manners Ino-pig?" Sakura parried her wit for wit, "Nothing changes no matter what language you speak it in."

Both girls shared a glare, stuck out a tongue, and ended up smirking resolutely to one another in the end. Those names were never spoken in anything more than playful anger now. The bite had long since died with the bark at childhood's end and what remained after was the simple endearment of the term that followed with their comings and goings. It was like a tie to the past, something only dug up in private company that could understand, or solely just for shits and giggles.

"Okay. Seriously," Ino broke their staring contest for a more adult approach, "is this an actual business transaction or merely a friendly visitation?"

Sakura snapped back into place as well, her own serious face making itself known. "Well, it's actually a little from column a and a little from column b." Before either could say much else, a loud shuffling noise disrupted the peace. The cause was surprisingly enough Sai, who had been in the process of overstepping a bucket full of daises but ended up getting the material of his left pant leg caught on some thorny long stemmed roses in another bucket nearby.

He floundered around for a bit trying to detach them in a most Naruto-like fashion that it would have been humorous on any other occasion, except this one.

Ino didn't say a word about it though, just pointed a confused finger and cocked a finely shaped eyebrow. The girls exchanged another look that only the other could translate. Sakura just sighed feeling suddenly tired, her eyes promising to explain everything in great detail later. Right now they needed to help release Sai from the roses...

For his sake, Sakura hoped he hadn't hurt any of them. Not a one.

--

It was only after the next couple minutes that the light went on in Ino's head.

"Oh!" Her mouth formed the perfect shape of recognition.

"Advice huh?" She bit her upper lip, an odd gesture but one that proved the kinks were coming slowly out of the gears.

"Well, I'm not really good at that sort of stuff." Her gaze was warily lowered to Sai was no lowered down to his haunches and was fingering her stock with gentle intentions. He was like a pesky child. Ino was heavily biting her tongue to keep from yelling about her poor babies.

Although she'd made it quite clear after the rose incident that if he hurt one, he bought it.

Sakura cleared her throat to get Ino's attention back, she must've blanked just staring. Bah, blame it on her hair's heritage. Blondes weren't wholly stupid; there was a method to the madness. Call it conniving and cunning instead of ditzy.

"Isn't it your _other_ business to be nosey?" Sakura drawled out, a calm smile in place on her face.

Because everyone knew that if you wanted the best gossip you had to go to Ino first. Not like she was going to be denying it anytime soon, but talk about calling the kettle black.

"You're one to talk Miss Opinionated." A delicately hidden sneer and they were back to the introductions.

But instead of getting anger like they would have four years back, both were just trying to procrastinate the inevitable of having to step back and formally analyze the situation. Ino took one last opportunity to glance back at Sai, he had moved on to the hurricanes and was nearing her tropics... oh that was gonna be the straw to break the camel's back...

Sakura had mentioned Sai was heavily involved and of course she knew that he had recently become an important part of Naruto's life, but she had no idea just how deep it went. Certain people like him tended to keep intimate matters indoors and out of sight.

Besides, it wasn't like she was one to really gossip about her closest friends or let others get much more than good words in... but things were finally starting to piece together more nicely than she would have ever figured for herself.

Maybe a part of her had always figured on Naruto being too into his friends, maybe not. It had been a while since Sasuke and that friendship was still far from over... but Sai?

Steadying herself and mentally slapping her distractive brain she tried to get back on task. None of this was actually any of her business to be trudging through - good intended or not. There was a saying, something the lines of digging in old gardens and finding rather nasty surprises...

Wasn't a fight with your significant other something you had to work out for yourself?

And then again, when she thought about it, she didn't really know Sai. Of course she'd had third party exposure to him, all thanks to Saukra, when he'd first been assigned as the new replacement for team seven.

She'd been the sound wall so to speak for one certain pissy pink-haired kunoichi, which is probably what was making this discussion so damn awkward in the first place.

"Didn't you used to hate him?" Ino whispered, pointing one finely manicured nail at the hunched over back near her bromeliad planters. Sakura slapped her accusing hand away and rolled her eyes guilty as charged.

"I'm trying to forget about that."

Ino snickered to herself and began to untie the back of her apron, looping it over the top of her head and hair while she muttered something about seemingly nice uglies under her breath. The excess length of her platinum locks should have been troublesome but she'd become custom to it over the years.

"It's because of Naruto isn't it?" All seriousness was back again; the atmosphere must have been bipolar. Sakura jumped slightly and wrung her hands together in her own skirt's medical apron. "You've always been real sweet on him, even when I teased you for it. I should have known better..."

Ino looked away, sorry for both accounts. She didn't want to see her friend's heart break another time. It had been so hard after Sasuke... now Naruto? This was awful, recalling back the pain like a masochist. And it must have taken a lot to admit to herself that she had lost again... Sakura was sore loser and Ino knew it.

But if this time would be the first time, then she would only come out of this whole thing stronger. Just like she always did... Sakura was someone worth admiring... someone worth looking up to secretly. You just couldn't tell her how you ever felt because it was embarrassing and because she wouldn't believe you. She didn't see herself as strong yet, but that's why Ino was proud of her.

"I think to myself, everyday..." Sakura mumbled out, her words shaky and unsure. Ino kept her mouth shut and her eyes averted, just listening and taking in all the truths.

"I've made a lot mistakes Ino," the blonde knew her friend was looking down and as far away as she could, Sakura always thought everyone was judging everybody else.

"_I_ should have known better... you're right. I should have treated them better, should have loved him less, should have cared for him more... I've made so many stupid mistakes, childish, selfish mistakes. And I pay for it now, but just admitting that doesn't fix all those hurts I created, all the bad feelings I left behind."

There were tears in her eyes when she looked up and Ino caught sight of them out of the corner of her own eyes.

"I want to do this for him. For Naruto. He's done so much for me, so foolishly too, so determined and so hell bent - and all without regards for his own feelings and personal safety... He deserves all the best things life has to offer. I just want to be one of the people who can give those to him."

Ino nodded in understanding. It made sense as to why Sakura would try so hard for something she wasn't entirely sure of. Hope was a salvation all on it's own. Maybe if they had more people to believe in all this, then it might really happen.

Right then and there was when Ino promised to offer all the help she could.

"Okay." Steeling herself and placing a comforting hand on the other's slightly shaking shoulder, Ino boldly began her walk over to Sai. All of this would only be a distraction to give Sakura her final resolve.

"Hi there! I'm Ino Yamanaka! Sakura's probably told you all about me, and I pray tell that they are only good things!"

Ino snuck a peek over her shoulder. Sakura had moved to a window, one hand holding back the cotton candy pink bangs from her face, allowing the sun shining inside to dance delicately off her features. Trying her best not to stare any longer, Ino focused her attentions back on Sai.

He was giving her a blank look and could only offer little more than a shrug of his shoulders.

"She's never mentioned you to me before."

"Oh."

Ino's face fell, but she'd like to think she recovered nicely. "W-well we'll have to get better acquainted then!" She slapped him hard and friendly on the shoulder to deter his attention from her love-wasted friend.

"Sorry Ino."

Sakura finally stepped out of the sunlight as both gave her a curious look. Sakura had her tear-bleary eyes shut tight and a tongue placed slightly between her pouty pink lips. She made a bit of a silly expression when she drew her brows together and rapped her knuckles gently off her forehead.

"I'll have to remember to introduce everyone properly next time."

Ino just smiled back broadly. So much stronger now... she was always stronger, she just never knew it.

Growing up was a part of everyone's life, learning to let go and never dwell.

Beyond that flushed tear-tracked face and underneath the guise of a pretty little flowery name, Sakura had become an extraordinary individual.

She was a beautiful woman, someone to look up to, and someone to gaze at from a far in sheer awe. Ino would never forget just who she was now and where she had came from then.

"Okay! Let's get started then shall we?" And her hands got right back down to the nitty-gritty of her devotion. She was going to pick the best flowers in her shop... every single one to represent everything she ever knew there was to know about Naruto through Sakura's eyes.

--

Naruto stumbled back into his house. Now that had been a completely pointless and wasted half an hour of his life.

The missions' office had been mostly empty, save for the poor chunnins stuck on paperwork duty. Iruka had been there though, so Naruto couldn't necessarily say it had been a wholly bad experience.

They had gotten the chance to sit and talk for a while about all the pointless things in life that seemed to matter so much more now that peace had reigned over the hidden villages since Orochimaru's disappearance and the fall of the Akatsuki organization.

But there were only simple D missions and genin needed their experience, so Iruka cut it short and promised to make plans later in the week for a ramen visitation, just to celebrate the good times and enjoy each other's company since it often came in such a sparse commodity nowadays.

He was suddenly tired thinking about that. To survive another year as a ninja to Konohagakure... they were all so old now weren't they?

Naruto shut the door behind himself and meandered over to the couch.

He hadn't wanted to come home so soon honestly. Things with Sasuke had been a bit weird since Sai's dramatic exit yesterday. If given the choice and without the guilty charge of having to watch over Sasuke, Naruto would have preferred staying out of his house all damn day. Because maybe when he got back, things might be better...

Anything to get away from all the possible reminders that he was still alone now... well, not really...

Sasuke was here.  
Where else would he have gone?

The stubborn bastard had set fire to his only home, stood there to watch it morbidly burn with one arm missing and the blood leaking down his torn robes...

The hospital wouldn't house him beyond his care, not to mention the fact that he had been a very violent patient. Something that horrible should never be unleashed upon the healthcare profession for an entire lifetime.

And he refused to live anywhere else. Sakura was out of the question... in the state he was in; he didn't trust even his best friend to fully take care of him. It was under Tsunade's direct orders he wound up in Naruto's care. He should have been more grateful, but he wasn't.

Naruto knew deep down though that he was thankful, if only a little bit. Sasuke just had a weird way of showing how he really felt... that was all.

In the condition he was in now... Naruto couldn't help but take pity.

He began to pop open the few buttons that served to seal up his dirty green chunnin vest and shrugged it off carelessly onto the floor. Man he could use a real good sit right about now, and eyeing the couch for the past couple seconds... it seemed like the best idea he'd had all day.

Just before he seriously contemplated giving in and tossing himself bonelessly onto the hapless piece of furniture, something stopped him. He'd caught sight of his notebook lying useless and forgotten on the coffee table.

It didn't seem as though he'd really been using it much lately, even if he knew that as time went by he was doing his best to keep pace with all the daily events that were happening way too soon. Sai was just a personal part of his life that didn't need to be stated... and Sasuke... well... What did it hurt to give in now and be weak if only to a sheet of paper?

Sitting down demurely on the cushy pleather sofa, leather was expensive and Naruto wasn't going to complain about a cheap rip-off to the real thing, he grabbed for the little book and reached down blindly sideways to acquire a pen from his vest. With a click to the stop on top, the ink-ball popped out and he was ready to write.

Simple hand movements opened him to a clean page and he began to scribble scratch his thoughts down... The penmanship was less than perfect, Kakashi had once compared it to chicken pecks, but it was enough for Naruto write down that little portion of his soul. No one was here to judge him like this. He was fine being subtle about weakness.

Just as he was about to start another line however, because five little sentences didn't seem like they summed up enough of his day into words, a voice for him from the kitchen.

"Naruto."

It was cool, smooth, and beckoning in a tonal way that begged for urgency but would no more cry it than wait patiently until the time was right. Sasuke needed something...

Thumbing the page tenderly for one last time before shutting the pages and letting the pen roll off his fingertips, still switched to write but having no more commands, Naruto stood.

Not a moment of hesitation crossed his mind when he walked willing into the kitchen.

--

Feeling awkward by now was just one of those things that Sai was gradually getting used to. Walking numbly with an identified purpose and no real motivation was by far one of the worst things... he carried in his gloved hand a small bouquet of brightly colored flowers, big Gerbera Daisies with a sunny outside appearance that was just as radiant as Naruto himself - or so Ino had commented before shoving him out the door.

_"Make sure you hold them firmly enough that the ribbons don't unravel and fray, but don't grip too tightly where you smother the poor things. I'm sure you want them to be staring up and out when you present them, not droopy and ten minutes from death..." Ino was such a nit-picker on her flowers that it was near compulsive._

_Sakura had giggled school-girlishly at Sai's curt nods as he did his best to pay attention and remember every detail. It was silly seeing him trying to be serious and all at once understanding in a subject he probably couldn't excel at on his own._

_Lucky for him though that he had helpers, two women who claimed to be experts in the field. Sakura had told him that trying his best here would be the most important aspect to pull this all off successfully._

_"Are you sure all of this is going to work?"_

_Sai seemed rather dubious to this plan. Was Naruto really into receiving gifts openly? And flowers at that... weren't men supposed to be the more masculine of the human species? And wasn't it women who treasured pointless and frivolous gifts such as these more than men?_

_Ino puffed out her cheeks and punched Sai meekly in the shoulder. His fingers compulsively twitched on the bouquet but he thought better than to squeeze any harder lest he feel the sunflower blonde's true wrath._

_"Oh hush up you big doubter! Flowers are flowers and anyone would appreciate to get them!"_

_Sai looked over to Sakura for moral support but she just leaned back on her heels with her arms hidden behind her back. The smile on her face told him yes, but the wink and glitter in her eye also said not to argue with Ino._

_Women were always right and unless you wanted to find out the hard way, then you didn't cross the line._

_"Even men?"_

_Sai felt like tempting fate._

_"Listen pal," Ino shoved her index finger right into his chest at that, "if he's as queer as I hear from the chatterbox over there, then he'll love them okay? Don't question my authority. I'm a matchmaker after all..." she finished in a dreamy tone that ended up turning sour when Sakura coughed uncomfortably into her fist._

_"What?" Ino looked over her should to spit and hiss like a cat that was being patronized. Sakura averted her eyesight and spoke in a noncontroversial tone of voice._

_"Oh nothing... but Naruto's really not that much of a ga-"_

_"Be quiet both of you! I don't want to hear anymore about his personal life or his orientation towards sexuality. I think it's bad enough to realize you've been a fool all these years rather than have to get an even bigger earful on the real details from you and loverboy over there." Sai got the thumb and Sakura got the stupid eyebrow twitch. The pink-haired kunoichi just laughed it off and came up to pat Sai on the shoulder._

_"You'll do fine so don't worry too much... leave that to us okay?" She then proceeded to pad over to where Ino stood and took a look to her partner in crime. "You think he's ready?"_

_Ino just pulled her lip to mull over between her teeth and gave a slight shrug. "Better now than never."_

_Sai nodded his affirmative and began to walk to the back of the store, when something tripped him up. He paused to turn back around and ask. Best to get it out of his system and answer the random curiosity now than later._

_"Would it be all right to kiss him as well?"_

_A light powder pink blush broke out of Sakura's cheeks and she chuckled nervously. Maybe it was because she'd never taken two guys in a relationship seriously before that imagining two of them kissing in an intimate manner made her embarrassed._

_Ino however had a different response. And it was a violent one. Her eyes widened larger than a teacup saucer and she rushed forward to shove poor Sai right out the door._

_"Get out you perv!"_

_Sai did as he was physically persuaded and watched the door slam in his face._

_"Only for emphasis!" he thought he heard Sakura shouting behind the screen and wood but he may have been hearing wrong._

So here he was now, wandering down the familiar pathway to his shared home with Naruto... and Sasuke... He swallowed thickly although he couldn't quite say why. This sudden dropping of his stomach was unusual for him. Dread wasn't a feeling was yet accustomed to, so it was hard to take at face value.

Without any more recognition of such a horrid emotion, he wiped it clean from his mind and kept right on walking. He'd be home soon enough and this anxiety would fade.

He was sure of it. Sai had to be.  
Because there weren't many things in life you could ever be so sure of.  
Naruto was one of them... he hoped.

--

In the few other minutes it took to reach the front door, Sai's palms were slippery under the fabric of his gloves. He didn't he should be sweating with such nice weather outside, but something was deceiving.

Opening the door was easy enough and walking into the empty living room should have been his tip off. Naruto was someone who usually locked the doors... ever since he'd had that conversation with Sai no less than a month ago when they decided to chip in together and purchase this place.

Security had become even more increasingly important to him... so why was entry as easy as just pushing in the door?

And the silence was deafening. Naruto was noisy... even Sasuke was lumbery in that crippled way of his... it made him clumsy and loud even when he didn't mean to be. Nothing was stirring and that should have been unsettling.

So when he heard a shout, more like a bark of disapproval, come directly form the kitchen, he let his feet guide him automatically to the sight of a lifetime.

"Sasuke, I'm sorry... I'm so sorry... I didn't-"

They were next to the table, too close to each other to offer Sai any comfort and the words through their body they portrayed were screaming catch me's that was as unsettling as the sight of them being an even more obscene position than they really were.

Sasuke's lips were parted, slightly wet about the rim and his eyes were flared red with the darkest obsidian staining three distinct marks near the iris. Sai had heard of that bloodline limit, but it should be unusual for it to appear unless under certain tension. Sasuke was preparing for a fight but for what?

Naruto on the other hand was equally as guilty looking. His face was flushed and he looked ashamed. The second tell tale mark on his face was his suddenly kiss swollen lips. Sai had claimed those enough times to know that they took on a certain hue from enough friction and this was all he needed to see before he saw red tainting the rest of his vision.

Nothing else would be important and he suddenly stopped paying so much attention to his other surroundings.

"What the hell is this?"

Sai felt like biting his tongue just to get the taste of blood in his mouth... anything to wash away the tightness that had locked up his vocal cords and made him weak to say much else.

Why was it getting harder to breathe and why were his hands beginning to hurt?

"Sai..."

Naruto whispered to no one really; even if the name had an address, it never made it home. Nobody moved like the slightest muscle twitch could tear the moment to shreds... what no one realized was that it was already ruined.

Sai threw in the towel first, his floral gift falling crushed and tattered to the floor. The drooping petals on the pained flowers hitting the linoleum tiles with a dense little thud that seemed to echo long after impact.

He couldn't say anything so he walked away again.

It should have seemed cowardly, and by all means it was - running away from the things that you can't tame and try to hide from... Sai was no quitter but he knew when he was beat. To be left speechless and with the most unpleasant of all death grips hanging round your throat was by far his biggest cue to have long since left well enough alone.

"Oh God... Sai!"

He thought he heard Naruto call for him, but he was so fast gone and so far out the front door that he could no longer be sure he was really aware of anything anymore. Maybe today was just a cruel day that was having fun playing all the things he should have been perceiving the right way the first time.

"SAI!"

Someone came up behind and arms wound their fiendish way around his chest and under his arms. Sai halted at the restraint but his eyes lay forward and ahead of himself. He didn't need to look back to realize it was Naruto who had tried to stop him.

He didn't owe him a damn thing but this moment wasn't so easy to escape.

"Oh Sai..." Naruto seemed to cry into the fabric at the back of his shirt and Sai could feel the tears leaking through the material and hitting the exposed skin at the small of his back. Other than physical sensation, the rest of him felt numb.

"Don't leave me again... please don't leave me again..."

So Sai didn't.

--

After the tears had stopped and after Naruto had composed himself enough to give half-hearted excuses as to his childish behavior, they somehow managed their way back into the house. Sai was more the rag doll who got dragged through the door but he didn't complain for the most part.

Naruto went the extra mile to lead back into the kitchen, even if it was the last place either wanted to be right then... Sasuke had made himself scarce somewhere, neither other male was worried for his safety though. Both sat at the table, Naruto on the dampened side and Sai facing it.

"I'm... I - Sai..." he tried to start.

It seemed that his vocabulary mostly only included names, so they didn't get very far to begin with.

"It's not what you think... At least, not what I _think_ you think..."

On any other occasion such a fumble in Naruto's own thinking process should have come off as amusing, and Sai would have praised him with a decent semi-felt smile... but today was not a day for genuine truthfulness on his behalf. Naruto needed to come clean first and Sai was just dying inside to hear how he'd talk his way out of this one.

"He asked me to come in and help him with the newspaper. You know it's hard for him to handle things right now with his... problem. So I walked over and we started talking. The subject turned to you and well-"

"What about me?"

"Well..."

Sai tightening his lips in resignation. He would not let himself be played for a fool twice in a row.

"Tell me Naruto."

The kyuubi vessel hesitated but caved in after a moment more of Sai's silence, it was killing him.

"I didn't want him saying those things about you and I didn't mean to push him, it just -" Sai's eyes widened but he kept quiet and attentive enough to listen only.

"I only want you Sai... only you... And I hope you know that."

Naruto hung his head, casting his eyesight down and away like a kicked puppy. He could find the courage to lift them up anytime soon and was only hoping that Sai would have the insight to say something himself.

A long while passed and still no talk. Maybe he was busy thinking through an answer... or maybe he was still questioning Naruto's fidelity... but either way the atmosphere was uncomfortable and it couldn't have gotten any closer to going insane before Sai finally managed a word.

"Okay."

It was so simple. One word that could mean so many things.

It could be the realization of feelings that yes he knew Naruto only had eyes for him. Or it could have been his acceptance of such a rushed response to his crudely questioned confusion from the scene he stumbled into earlier. Or better yet it could just be an empty reply to end the awkward moment.

Whatever the real reason was, Naruto was thankful because Sai didn't leave just then. He sat calmly in his seat, beginning to remember how to blink and eventually stood to excuse himself for a long shower and a change of clothes.

Naruto looked up after his decided 'master' had stopped staring him down and mumbled something about having dinner made when he returned. The other said nothing and kept walking.

On his way out though, Sai managed to step on the flowers, every single one of the still living heads it seemed, before he left the kitchen. They made a wet streaky ooze of juicy tears as they smudged rotten on the floor.

--

Dinner should have gone smoother than the rocky afternoon had, but it was always so hard to recover from too many debilitating blows in one day. Naruto had prepared something simple, both Sai and Sasuke were sure it was one of those instant meals in a box because it tasted too good to have been a product of Naruto's slaving over.

The rice was a simple dish and was made plain so as to offset the flavor of the meat and vegetables but despite this being a better meal than instant ramens and take out deliveries from down the street, nobody had any guts to start up a conversation.

Naruto even stooped to being rude as to reach over Sai for another napkin because he was afraid to utter a single word.

Sasuke noticed that hesitancy and kept watching out of the slits in his eyelids. He had been a quiet observer up until then, and though it may have pained him to open his mouth, perhaps if it was good reason then he would feel more justified.

Polishing off the rest of the white rice that had been laying sticky in his bowl, he looked down at the ceramic and placed his chopsticks lightly on their little stand.

"Can you pass me the rice?"

Jaws stopped chewing and two sets of eyes rested on him as though surprised as to what could have brought that about. Dark eyes were focused on the lightest member the group expectantly.

Naruto knew from personal experience that Sasuke was usually a two-helping man but even he was willing to curb his own veracious appetite if it meant less chaos at the dinner table tonight.

Why start the flames of hate up all over again if it could easily be avoided? Blue eyes flickered between the rice dish and Sasuke, as though an inner debate was now in session in the empty space of his head.

Before Sasuke could politely ask again, and before Naruto had the chance to reach for the bowl, even if it was closest to someone else, Sai beat them to it.

His gloveless hand, graceful and clean slowly hooked under the lip of the porcelain bowl and picked it up with an ease that should be envied. He presented it formally with dignity and patience in his movements even if he had been thinking otherwise.

Sasuke looked down at the offered food in a somewhat tasteless manner, the dumb quirk of his lips in the left corner a sign of his dissatisfaction. Naruto watched helplessly as the rest unfolded in front of him and he was powerless to stop it.

"I wasn't asking you."

Funny enough, if Sai was offended, he never let on. He just smiled softly in that _oh so fake_ way of his before setting down the fine china in front of Sasuke, the man who had requested it, if not even from him, and made to stand as if to excuse himself.

His chopsticks dropped rudely onto the table with little less than a click and Sai didn't even thank Naruto for the meal before heading in the direction of their bedroom.

Sasuke eyed him the entire time it took him to disappear behind the wall. His face didn't seem to relax fully though until there was definite clicking of a door sliding into a comfortable place of it's wooden frame.

Naruto finished up his own meal quickly, setting down the little bowl and sighing lowly under his breath. Today had just been difficult, a rough patch between the three of them. Hopefully it wasn't something a good night's sleep couldn't cure.

With a little bit of hope, he set to picking up his used dishes and leaned over to gather up the one's in front of Sasuke's place at the table as well. But before he could pick up the chopsticks Sai had so carelessly abandoned, an arm shot out to wrap it's slender fingers around the base of his right wrist.

"Don't," Sasuke said.

Naruto screwed up his face at that. Don't what? Don't clean up the mess, I'll help you? Don't ignore me? Don't g-

"Don't go," Sasuke clarified this time.

Well that certainly made it easier. Naruto let his hopeful expression fall and removed his hand from Sasuke's grasp. Nothing was going to stand in his way for the rest of the evening, even if he had to be cold about it when he didn't intentionally mean to.

"I have to..."

Sasuke tightened his jaw and was about to reach for him again when Naruto turned to look away and repeated himself with more determination.

"I want to."

Sasuke had nothing to say to that.

Picking up the bowls and resuming his earlier task again, Naruto juggled the hodge-podge of bowls and silverware long enough to deposit them into the sink for a soak prior to the scrubbing. He didn't want to see Sasuke's face when he was finished. And he thought he heard an additional clinking sound behind him but wasn't yet so keen on finding out what it could have been.

He knew Sasuke must have left though... nothing more to say to the man he felt had betrayed him more than once now... Naruto sighed again with his palms resting curled up atop the sink and did his best to compose himself.

When he turned around the only thing that greeted his sight was a pushed out chair where Sasuke had been sitting and the dishes and chopsticks he'd been using earlier before Sai had left.

Everything else was still intact on the table where it had been left before all this had started up, but Naruto noticed one peculiar thing... Sasuke hadn't refilled his bowl like he'd initially intended to. The food lay just as untouched as everything else on the tabletop.

Turned out no one was really hungry then, and he padded over quietly to pick up the last couple items remaining.

--

Washing dishes was mindless, less methodical work. Naruto was used to manual labor and sort of relished the thought that he could easily waste time in the soap and bubbles. But when the last dish was done and dry, he had no choice but the call it a night and stack them away in their individual holding spots.

It wouldn't be long now till everything was neatly put away and he had to face the facts and walk back to his own bedroom.

Usually sleeping with Sai wasn't a chore. Naruto would secretly be looking forward to that portion of the evening more than any other. He enjoyed the way Sai held him in his arms at night - felt like nothing else could ever harm him there.

But tonight didn't seem the right time to be expecting such favors like that. For all he knew Sai was still seething and had probably locked him out of the room by then.

Naruto sulked to himself for a few minutes, even if he knew it was only prolonging the inevitable. He just figured he deserved to be punished for all the wrong he'd let happen all through the day.

Dinner wasn't bad because it could have gone worse, but this afternoon held the award for most awful encounter all day long. Maybe just as bad as the first day Sai stormed out... and Naruto felt guilty for some reason. Whether or not he assumed he was the cause of it or because he was just another variable in the problem.

Maybe it was simple disappointment and nothing more, Naruto wasn't good at looking back and reflecting on horrible situations. But he knew he was terribly let down in his own behavior. All it took was one fight and he was already feeling insecure.

Sai had meant to make good today. Had come back with flowers in tow and what was probably an air of forgiveness seeking under the guise that took over him when was in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Naruto knew a large amount of thoughtfulness had gone into planning this return, in offering up an apology for something you did when you weren't really thinking things through... Sakura and Ino perhaps had lent a hand wherever they saw it fit, Sai's penance had been the end result. It was just too bad that even the best laid plans often went astray, no matter how many times you sat down and foolproofed them.

One kiss... one kiss had been all it took. Something given and quite obviously taken from on his behalf, and here Naruto was questioning himself.

His once unbreakable heart was trying to chip around the edges again and he kept feeling the sudden pressure of someone else's lips against his own. The soft touch of his fingertips coming up to rest on them and he was lost.

That had been his second kiss with Sasuke, only two compared to the many handfuls he'd shared with Sai in abrupt moments of passion here and there in the house, in a dark alleyway; anywhere they could get to be away from prying eyes that didn't need to see.

He had loved Sasuke, he really had... back when it was easy to be foolish and back when it was easy to make mistakes.

But today had been the biggest mistake of all, and he didn't know if he could ever make right. There was this strong feeling of loyalty to Sai that Naruto couldn't seem to shake. And as easy as it would have been for him to just give up and let Sasuke have him in every way that was now possible since his vengeance had been achieved, Naruto wouldn't let himself.

And even if he had never seen Sasuke looking at him before with anything other than brotherly affection, he couldn't manage to get over the bridge that had built up in a manner of hours. It was causing him so much pain he just wanted to sit down and pass out. If darkness was the only other option next to dealing with it, well he was a sissy.

What made it hurt so much more was the way Sasuke had gone about it. This wasn't a joking kiss or a move made purely for the thrill factor of the contact... Sasuke had meant it. Meant every touch and every caress his lips could give to he blonde before his heart was torn away and he had to retract and limit himself to darker recesses of his sanity. Sasuke was finally caring enough to openly honest with his feelings.

That touched Naruto in a way that was indescribable. He bit his lip and moved his arms to hold himself in the way he wished Sai would.

Sasuke was taking the offense now that he saw what he was realy in danger of losing and it was too painful to dwell on any longer. To think that someone else, someone who knew of his past and was open to accepting his future, was still willing to give up part of themselves for him.

How could he? How could he be so selfish?

Naruto wanted to cry at the unbidden selfishness within himself as it rose it's ugly head. He'd often wondered many what ifs on lonely nights... what could life be like if Sasuke ever accepted his love and maybe returned it in full?

But that was wrong. It was so wrong when he had someone else to live for now. He had no right... it would be ungrateful to ask for more than he had already graciously been given.

And with that thought in mind, his feet began to follow the same footfalls Sai himself had walked to their room on the left side of the entrance to the kitchen.

There was still so much that needed to be fixed...

--

The door was unlocked when he finally pushed it in, but only a crack. It paid off to be tentative when you were still under suspicion.

Through the darkness he could vaguely make out Sai's outline. An even darker shadow was cast against the wall as he sat hunched over and facing away on his usual side of the bed. Sai was a right sided sleeper, he chose to face the bathroom walls instead of watching Naruto enter meekly.

It was immediately obvious that the other had not moved since his self-excused absence from dinner because he was still wearing the same cotton t-shirt and loose fitting shorts he'd tossed on before seating himself at the table.

That thought made Naruto feel even guiltier for having caused his significant other the pain of staying awake, if only to confront him before bed.

But if that were the case why wasn't Sai verbally attacking him yet? Why was he still trying to play the better half by sitting silent with his eyes glued to places elsewhere besides his thorn in the side?

Naruto didn't mean to cough on purpose like he was displeased, but it slipped out like most nervous habits often do when you're pushed to the wall. Sometimes he wished Sai could still act impassive, that sometimes things could be easier if Sai could front him a mask every now and a again when the timing was right.

But things weren't simple, and real life was a bitch.

Sai was now as temperamental as a toddler. Inquisitive and curious one minute and then quiet and broody when he fell down or stumbled. Naruto figured he was just as bad when it came to both successes and disappointments in life, but it had begun to get frustrating lately.

Two months ago Sai would never have admitted he enjoyed human contact, that he loved it when it was attention that was physically lavished on him by one particular source. He would not have pulled Naruto down for a good night kiss some months ago in their guest room (which was now inhabited by an entirely out of place newcomer) to tell him afterwards that he enjoyed that sort of affection.

Those baby steps were recently learned; like so many other instances that had led up to them meaning this to each other now. Had they not taken place at all, well... that would have appeased this ache in a way that was otherwise painless.

But now it was different now.

He'd caused some sort of disturbance that he was hoping wouldn't have stunted that growth and wouldn't perhaps end this relationship.

It wasn't Naruto's fault he had some new living breathing obligations to look after... of course he was only human and had the tendency to make mistakes... but wasn't it better that he was willing to regret them later and seek forgiveness not soon after?

He didn't mean to be at fault and he didn't mean to cause any more problems then they may have already had. But it was so hard right now... with Sasuke, with Sai, with himself...

"Sai...?" he called out in a mute tone of voice. He had to strain his ears to hear even himself.

The sullen body near the edge of the bed didn't move.

Maybe Sai hadn't even noticed him enter? Not to be one to shy away from confrontations, Naruto swallowed his fears and went to sit himself down on the edge of his own side of the bed. The padding bounced only slightly when he sat, but Sai didn't let the motions disturb his deep thoughts.

Naruto was afraid to sit next to him, let alone touch him. So he started the only way he knew how...

"Sai? Hey... you okay?"

He could have slapped himself because that was a dumbass question, how stupid could he be?

"Yes..." Sai answered after a time, and Naruto didn't realize he'd been holding his breath until it drained out of him and slumped limply in his seat. He only hesitated a moment longer before twisting at an uncomfortable angle to wrap his tanned arms around Sai's torso and pull himself as close as his body's natural flexibility would allow.

Sai did not protest when fingers dug into all the loose recesses of his shirt and just held him. Naruto finally gave in after a few moments of uncomfortable stretching to just tug his legs up onto the bed and contort in such a way that he was eventually hugging Sai from behind, legs bent behind the back and body pressed closer for anything other than warmth.

"I missed you..." he sighed it out almost so quietly Sai hardly did hear. Naruto choked up with a dry heave seconds later and then the darker haired boy knew it must be true.

He brought a hand up to touch across the expanse of smooth skin peeking out from under the sleeve of Naruto's Jounin jumpsuit and gently began a stroking motion he had felt used on him once before.

Being in such close proximity to the other was like a sucker punch to the face and Naruto began to tear up after nothing more than a days loss... he just felt so ashamed inside that it was getting hard to hide the hurt any longer. The scent of Sai was cracking him up, making it hard to cope and making him inexplicably clingy to the one thing he had left to himself at the end of the day.

He didn't want to let go; just as he didn't want Sai to let him go either.

--

"You should get ready for bed."

Naruto yawned widely and nuzzled his face snug between Sai's shoulder blades. He knew Sai was right but he didn't want to... not yet.

Sai became unresponsive after a moment or two and Naruto knew that was his hint to get up and go. With only a bit of reluctance to do so, he was up raiding his clothes drawers and padding softly to the shared bathroom. The rather large accommodation was spilt with two doors between both the master bedroom and the guest room... but it would be tempting fate if Naruto felt the need to jiggle the handle to see if Sasuke locked the door. Turning on the lights he padded over to the sink.

He would ignore it for now. Tomorrow was best left alone and he changed clothes, out of his rancid day old jumpsuit with the high collar and into some oversized shirt with his plaid boxers frilling from the bottom of it. Nothing overly special, but conservative enough that he could sleep with ease.

Brushing his teeth came next; because future Hokages didn't have plaque. When he was satisfied with all the cleaning up he'd done, Naruto flicked off the light switch and walked back into his bedroom.

He made sure to shut the door lightly behind him. Sasuke didn't need to see him sharing a bed with his decided enemy.

When he looked over at the bed once again, Sai had taken the liberty to toss off his shirt and aimed it towards the hamper. The dark sleeves were hanging pitiful off the corner of a lip. He was getting lazy.

Naruto almost chuckled to himself but didn't mind the sight provided to him. Sai wasn't really the sort to be modest in bed. 'What was wrong with sleeping naked?' Naruto remembered him asking once or twice... and of course the whiskered cheeks had burned in modest embarrassment because Naruto wasn't the sort of person to even consider such a lewd act.

But Sai had no problem with something so free as that. For this relationship to have any sort of semblance and if they were going to share a bed, Sai was at least going to sleep in some underwear. Boxers were loose fitting material that could pool around his legs, so it was the compromise they agreed on.

"Finished." Naruto announced like a little kid with an expectant parent waiting on him.

"Aa." Sai nodded slowly, his neck betraying the movement. They both rearranged themselves to lay down for sleep. It was just turning summer and Naruto had yet to remake the bed with nice thin cotton sheets. So for now they'd be sleeping on top of the heavy winter comforter.

"Good night Sai."

"Aa."

Naruto fiddled around on the bed until he got comfortable and laid still moments later. Sai was never one to fidget much in his sleep, so wherever he lie while awake, that was where he could be found in the morning.

Tonight was going to be different though.

Sai was the first to start shifting into the first early minutes of their silent lounging. That was unusual and Naruto should have started to suspect something was up when he wasn't the one causing the commotion in the bed.

But he kept silent and didn't say anything just in case Sai was having one of those off nights where it was hard to get comfortable. Everyone had them he was sure... no one could be perfectly immune.

Some more shuffling.

It was beginning to get irritating now. Different when you weren't the one causing it, ne?

"Hey Sai?" Naruto twisted around, his eyes bleary in the darkness but adjusted enough to make out all that was next to him. "You oka-mmph!"

Sai jumped him.  
And that didn't sound right but it was just about what really happened.

There wasn't much room on their full sized bed, a queen or king was too expensive on such meager wages and with the purchase of their new house it was about all they could afford. So they fought around a little bit, Sai covering Naruto's mouth in a way that should have been a kiss but it was more like a desperate resort.

"Wha-what are you doing?" Naruto flailed his arms until Sai reached up for them and pinned the sinewy appendages right next to his blonde head. There was a noise like an eep and Sai was kissing him all over again.

Naruto hadn't much to say, rough lips on his own and a crazy mad man molesting him at will above, oh God it was frightening.

When Sai got a hand free, he snaked it down past Naruto's oversized undershirt and managed to fumble with the button closing up his boxers. The other squeaked beneath him but couldn't get a word edgewise. When he had gasped open his mouth for air, Sai had inserted his tongue to keep him silent.

They kept writhing around like that, Sai taking as he pleased and Naruto wanting no part of it... or so it seemed. Sai felt pretty confident that he could sway the other soon enough to want what he was doing.

Pop! A soft little fabric click and Naruto's eyes widened when he felt something grab him in an inappropriate place.

The touch was cruel and tight, not nice but not unpleasant.

Sai had never touched him like this before.  
He didn't feel ready for that sort of thing yet.  
Not yet.

"S-stop it!" he cried out, bucking up his hips but only worsening the situation in the end. He didn't want this... not like this, not like this.

Sai hushed him, a little breath behind his teeth and kept right on going. His more muscled weight being all the advantage he needed to get some leverage over his slightly smaller counterpart.

Naruto moaned horribly because there was a rippling in his throat since he was fighting off the feelings as best he could. "Sai!" he was panting with his jaw slack and open wide... spit was pooling under his tongue when he forgot how to swallow.

"Don't, I-"

"All I know," Sai whispered in a sadist overtone that had never been present before... he was leaning closer until he was able to bury his face into the crook of Naruto's exposed neck. The neck of that nightshirt was barely holding on to his shoulder. He kissed him there because his hand was still busy working hard on Naruto's erection through the boxers unbuttoned material.

"Is that I don't like it when he looks at you."

And Naruto gasped, he was long gone and deaf by then.

Sai's face remained impassive the entire time he watched on.

There had been no feeling in it for him.  
Sex was about power... at least that was how it had seemed.

Because his message _needed_ to be clear; Sai wasn't very good at sharing.

----

Oh my freaking God... that's it, that's all I wrote... all thirty-four pages of it. I hope your eyes fell out so you can't find the buttons to harass me for more. I think I seriously need a break from stress writing. (passes out) But honestly... reviews are loved, though not wholly expected... unless you want more... sometime in the future, because they may be necessary. Hope you enjoyed this either way!


	4. Nothing Personal

**Title:** Nothing Personal Teaser  
**Author:** Jinhito  
**Disclaimer: **Own nothing except my deluded yaoi-filled mind. The summary is taken from a song called "First Love, Last Rites" by The Sugarplum Fairies.  
**Summary:** "When all of your prior restrictions have turned into brand new addictions, will you know to let go?"  
**Author's Note:** Posting this to let you know I'm still alive, I'm still working on it, and heavily planning on finishing it this year. As always, dedicated to Nyusama and I hope this doesn't torture you too much. Enjoy.

----

Naruto was standing in the doorway to the kitchen. A clean white terry towel was draped over his shoulders and his blonde hair was matted from rough abuse of shampoo. His slightly tanned skin was still damp, but in a brand new alluring way. That sheen caught the sunlight entering in from their sink's only window.

The light however, did nothing to help hide the red-sodden color his eyes still bore from his shower.

"Nothing," Sai covered up, turning to fully face his interruption. He decided to change the subject. "Sakura called."

Naruto's face immediately brightened up from it's already dejected expression. He may not be as innocent as he thought he may have once been, but there were always plenty of tricks up a prankster's sleeve like his that could help to mask the pain.

"Sakura-chan!?" he exclaimed in that same annoying tone they all knew she couldn't stand, "Really!? What'd she call about?" He was nearly hollering in excitement.

"About lunch," Sai spoke demurely, "she wants us to join her for lunch tomorrow."

Naruto shut his eyes to offer a cheeky smile; the tearstains seemed a little less obvious now. "Lunch eh? That sounds like a great idea!"

--

In the evening, it was Sai who ultimately suggested they work together to make dinner. Sasuke had been missing all afternoon, still confined to his bedroom by pure will alone.

Naruto thought he may have heard him slip in and out once or twice during the day to use the bathroom, but it could have been a fluke or just his imagination.

He figured to give it as much time as needed until tomorrow. They still had yet to break the news to the broody bastard that whether or not he liked it or wanted it, he was going outside for the first time in weeks; all for the sake of lunch.

Naruto had a feeling it wouldn't go as smoothly as he or Saukra were hoping, but even a baby step was some example of progress. He was willing to settle for whatever they could manage.

"Be mindful of your fingers," Sai said, not a second after stopping Naruto's hand from cutting into another carrot. Somewhere between his carelessness and thoughtfulness, Naruto had forgotten what he should have been absorbed in. The chopping blade was a mere couple centimeters from slicing down into the flesh of his forefinger.

Naruto just flushed embarrassed and joked that it wouldn't hurt too badly anyway should he have slipped. After all, even the most remedial of help at the Konoha hospital knew about his impressive healing ability.

Sai just shook his head and deadpanned his expression of seriousness.

"You still shouldn't use that as an excuse. Hurting yourself is not something desirable and if it can be avoided, then by all means," he reasoned, finally letting go of the knife.

The blonde just blinked behind the thin veil of absolution that had consumed him. There were times when Sai was so far away, it was almost painful... but there were other times when he was so close... Naruto wasn't sure where their feelings for each other began or ended. It was all one general consummation, and it made them whole.

At least, it made him _feel _close to whole.

Sai continued to stir the broth for their stew, pausing here and there to let it swirl lightly around the spoon.

Their kitchen wasn't so much big as it was homely. Space was few and far between, but if you were mindful, there was never any fear of collisions. So far they'd managed quite well. Naruto kept mostly to himself near the fridge's countertop, a cutting board placed directly in front of him. A mess of vegetables here and there puddled to the left and right of him, either waiting for their little ritual execution or having already suffered the horrors and biding their time until they got tossed into the soup.

Sai on the other hand was handling all the precise measurements of spices and add-ins. Taking turns stirring and reading his handwritten directions of proper preparation; this was the first time he'd ever offered to cook with Naruto.

Usually only one person was elected to make the food around here. Not to say this wasn't a pleasant change, but it was certainly unexpected.

"That should be good." Sai stopped stirring again and removed the wooden spoon from its place in the simmering pot. Naruto looked over and put down the knife.

"We can add them now?" he tested a response.

Sai nodded, "We can add them."

Both boys moved closer together, their shoulders meeting as they leaned forward to grab handful of scoops from the finely chopped piles. The color in Sai's hands was green, the color in Naruto's orange... there were mixed jumbles here and there but they kept the asymmetry quiet.

"Careful not to burn yourself." Sai said as they made to deposit their respective amounts into the steaming boil of their dinner.

Naruto snorted and made a comment under his breath about 'Yes Mother' and the like. Sai didn't say anything, just went first and let each little cut piece fall gently from his in-turned hands. Neither made a noise as each plunked soundly and then sunk into the broth.

"Your turn."

Naruto nodded and pressed closer to Sai. He was still in the way of the cooking pot and if Naruto was hoping not to drop anything, then he'd better push harder.

As each little morsel left his fingertips one by one, Naruto remained focused on the emptiness now invading his palms. So why did it feel like it was emptying this way when he'd said he was whole?

It was then that Sai did something so suddenly, Naruto ending up dropping a large amount of carrot into the soup so fast that the hot liquid jumped up to burn him. There was a singe of immediate pain that shot down his nerves but he couldn't really focus when Sai was pulling him so fiercely into a hug.

He couldn't breathe. Something was crushing his lungs.

"Naruto..." Sai whispered, burying his face in the soft skin of a neck that belonged to the person he was holding. There were some deep and shallow breaths before he seemed to get his bearings and Naruto couldn't help but wince.

He thought he heard Sai mumble some things but he could have been hearing them. All he could focus on at that moment was the ache in his chest and the sting of his burnt hand.

"I-I thought you said not to burn myself..."

Sai made a rough noise into the collar of his shirt and refused to let go.  
Naruto gave him this chance and still said nothing about his pain.

It took him a moment to realize that the hurting in his ribcage was his heart. There it was rabbiting wildly against the organs sharing the same space, cutting off proper pathways to air and reminding him that Sai could do no wrong.

After all, you did everything you could to hold onto the things you desired most.

Naruto should have known. He'd done the very same thing himself. Spent half a lifetime chasing it down, but where had it gotten him?

Could this be different?  
Could this be better?

He hoped that Sai hoped as well.

--

"I'll be right back."

Sai offered a little smile with his eyes shut. Naruto blushed lightly at the apex of his cheeks and waved him off.

They'd forgotten to pick up something so simple as drinks earlier. Water would have been decent enough, but Naruto felt the need for something heavier. Sai had seconded the notion and was even willing to go the full-mile to be the one to fetch it.

Sake was good, and Naruto thought they both deserved the chance to forgive and forget. Letting it be could easily be achieved with a little alcoholic help.

"He left," the response came from the darker hallway that neither Naruto nor Sai had seen anyone in since this morning.

"So you're up."

"Yeah..."

----

I'm a cruel bitch. I know. Back after what, almost a years break? Sheesh... college hates me and doesn't want you to get any entertainment. So the good news is that I'm working again.

Bad news, not so good to hear, I'm gonna be revamping the older chapters first. I need to get them to match up with my revised style of writing so this whole work pans out smoothly. Wish me luck? I know you're dying for me to complete this... me too.


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